The “Happily Ever After” Club:
How to Make Your Last
Nearly fifty percent of all marriages in the U.S. end in
divorce. According to the American
Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers the most common reason for divorce is a “lack of
commitment to the marriage.” Here are 8
things to keep you and your spouse out of divorce court and committed to your
marriage.
Key 1: Courtship: Too
often couples believe that once they have said “I Do” there is no longer a need
to date. This is not true. It is not uncommon for couples to spend very
little time alone together on weekly bases. Courting your spouse at least twice
a month will help put your marriage back on track or keep the fire of love
burning strong.
Dating will give you and your spouse other precious alone time to reminisce on old times,
pondering on things to come, and bask in the love you feel today. After all marriage vows (traditional vows)
“forsaking all others.” So give each other the undivided attention that is
deserved.
Key 2: Stills: All of
the things you did special for the other when you were dating, continue to do after
you’re married are the “stills.”
If you
used to write love letters to your spouse continue writing them now. If you use to send flowers or just make the
“I was just thinking about you calls” continue doing it now. All of these things are a form of
affection. Frequently displaying love
and affection will certainly keep the flames blazing in your marriage.
Key 3: Friendship: Marriage does not automatically mean you
and your spouse are friends. However,
friendship is a vital element any lasting marriage. Friendships, commonly, are the longest
lasting relationships we establish outside of family.
Friendship,
like marriage, is a relationship of choice.
Also, like marriage, the friendship will last if you both contribute to
the relationship. I am not saying that
your spouse should be your only friend, but he or she should be on the list.
Key 4: Compromise: Marriage is not a game of “Tug of War.” Think about the game, Tug of War. Two sides pull and pull at each other until
one side has been drug through the mud.
Why would you pull at your spouse until he or she has been drug through
the mud?
Compromising
does not make you less of a man or a fool of a woman. Compromise shows confidence and maturity. So what if you only hang with your buddies
once a week? If they are “true” friends
they will understand that your family is top priority. And remember making certain decisions because
you are a prideful person generally means you are only thinking about yourself. Marriage is not about keeping score or
winning the arguments. If you want to
win at something, how about winning by making your marriage work? What’s a bigger prize than having a lasting
marriage with the person you love the most?
Key 5: Be Grownups: Being an adult does not automatically
enter you in the grownups club. Immature
actions and thoughts separate the two. A
common immature action in marriage is to say or do something hurtful simply out
of spite. You hurt me so I am going to
hurt you back. Holding a grudge is also
an immature action. That way of thinking
is completely childish.
As a
married grownup you know your marriage is top priority, point blank,
period! Immature actions cannot exist in
a healthy marriage. Let’s all be
grownups in our marriage.
Key 6: Respect: On
your job you show clients/customers, colleagues, and your boss respect. When tempers are flaring and voices are
starting to get loud; are you still respectful to your spouse? Simply saying I was mad then does not justify
nor excuse your actions.
Frustration,
like the interest rate on a loan, is one of those things you could do without
but unfortunately comes as part of the marriage package. In fact you should expect to get frustrated
at times. However, frustration is no
excuse for being disrespectful. Perhaps
some of you or your spouse’s actions are a little different now than when you
were dating, but that can be expected. It’s
okay that you’re a little more “yourself” now; after all there is a certain comfort
that comes with marriage. Accompanying
that comfort though, should be mutual respect.
Key 7: Communication: Simply yelling and using profane
language is not communication. Marriage
is hard work which includes having the tough conversations. Communication is not only about talking, but it’s
about listening as well.
When
something is putting a wedge between you and your spouse you have to both talk
and listen. Selfish, foolish,
immaturity, and pride all have to be checked at the door in order for
communication to be effective. Both
sides have to be heard. Remember the key
is to be honest not hurtful. Being
hurtful will hinder future attempts to communicate. This ultimately damages your marriage.
Key 8: God: God has a
place in all our lives. His wisdom
exudes our own. God is the first guidance
you should seek when trouble arises in your marriage. Consulting with family members and friends
about your marital problems is a bad idea.
After you and your spouse have reconciled your family members and
friends will still mad at him or her.
“A family that prays together stays
together.” It may sound cliché but it is
so true. Falling down on your knees and
crying out to God will do more for your marriage than you could have ever
imagined.
Marriage
from the moment “I Do’s” are exchanged is hard work. Many are surprised at the amount of work it
takes daily to make his or her marriage last.
However, as a devoted and committed spouse, the required work is worth a
lasting marriage. Incorporating these 8
keys into your marriage will help you and your spouse celebrate many decades of
wedded bliss.
